Saturday, October 30, 2010

Bruegger's

We all just got back from being at Bruegger's Bagels, the fund raiser for Marshall.  It was so overwhelming the generosity of so many people!!!!!  There are no words to express.  Tears seem to be the answer when you can't find one. 

Brian and I had a rough night last night.  We were up til about 2 am.  We were talking and crying.  I hate breaking down like that.  I hate thinking certain things, but I guess it's part of the process.  It doesn't mean I don't believe that Marshall will get thru this.  I really do!  As a parent, and dealing with Cancer in one of your own children is just something hard to digest.  It is still a shock to me.  I have told people this......LOL so, I know this is old to some of you, but I will just be in the car with Brian or something and I will just repeat......"Our son has cancer, our son haaas cancer, our son HAS CANCER"  I keep trying to wrap my brain around it.  I think I do, but I really don't think I have a clue at all. 

I feel like I have to be strong.  I mean....we have 7-9 months of this, and I am already breaking down every now and then....UGH!  I have to be strong, there is no where to cry quietly, kids still need love, Marshall has things that I have to do everyday, (I am back.....remembered I had to flush Marshall's lines - thank goodness I was talking about that...it reminded me...LOL), he has medicines that I have to remember....actually he needs his morphine right now....he was supposed to take it this morning....but we both forgot.......LOVE IT, so anyway.....see there is so much to think about and do, that who has time to digest all of the emotions and the reality of what is going on? 

You think "Yes, I can do this.....we are strong, we have our faith and eachother"  but then you get a hiccup and it changes a little bit.  Or, you get a reality check with lets say Marshall loosing his hair, or the side effects of Chemo......you have to take a seat and just watch for bit and let it all come in.  If I knew all that is going to be asked of me right now, I probably wouldn't make it.  So, you have to take the little moments that make you do a huge intake of breathe and just wait.  Once you digest it, then you move on.

Just being at Bruegger's today......is one of those moments that you take in a site, that just can't be true.  You have to be seeing wrong, or it's a dream (humph, this is so not a dream!)  But this was a good one.  I am still trying to digest the amount of support from just the time we were there today.  I have heard stories of earlier in the day and such.  I am amazed.  I told a friend that I need to throw a party for the party that was thrown for us....LOL  How do you thank so many people?  I guess you don't.  It is something they feel they need to do, and unfortunately this is something we need....FUNDS!

I was at Bruegger's and talking to a friend and all of a sudden, this woman walked in to the line....I jumped up and said, I used to work out with her.........I always loved her and enjoyed seeing her smiling face....short colored hair, long crazy decorated nails.........and a little sports car.......I want to be like her when I get older......FUN AS HELL!!!!!
 btw, I am not going to get old.....I am going to be in my 60s - 90s and still dance around the house, blare the music from all the stereos and enjoy my time here on earth.  I would love to see this one....LOL

anyway, I tapped her shoulder, she turned around and I put both hands on her shoulders and said "do you remember me?  from the JCC, we used to workout together?"  She took a second, asked "are you the one with all the kids?" LOL  I guess that's one good way to be remembered :0)  I said "YES!"  granted we were like little school girls......giddy and surprise and shock......then I saw that she had a flier......I pointed to the flier and said "that's my son"  she got this questioned look on her and said "YOUR MARSHALL'S MOM" I was "yep"  she said, "I AM DAVE'S WIFE"  (dave is one of the regulars and marshall just loves him to death.  he came into the hospital with two other regulars on his first weekend of Chemo)  I was like.......'WHAT YOUUUR DAVE'S WIFE' again, giddy and shock and surprise....!!!!! such a small world is this.  I miss seeing her.  We let go of the JCC a year ago bc I was working a bit and then went into school so we weren't using it.  then I found out that Dave knows my father-in-law and sister -in- law.

So, I love Dave even more.....LOL   He has an awesome wife!!!!

Well, I guess I best be going.  The kids have slowly trailed in here....so, it is no longer quiet so that what little left I have in the process of thought....to continue on.

God Bless!
Bl Pier Giorgio Frassati and St Peregrine, pray for us

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