Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Uninvited Guest

Summer is over and school has begun...at least for one child...the one that went thru hell last school year.  Marshall started school last Friday and was/is so excited.  He is a new man! He finished his Radiation treatments on Monday before school started.  So, he went in as a Senior in High School with nothing hanging over him.  He was done, his hair is growing back, he is working out, he is working, he is driving and hanging with friends....he is "normal" now.  I looked at him the other night and man...he looks good.  I told him that he looked the same last year at this time....looking at him right now you could not tell how sick he became and wounded he felt.

It's a new beginning for all of us.  We get to "start over"  if only we could take back time and start over, but i wouldn't change it for the world.  I am a better person bc of Marshall.  I am a better mother (kinda) bc of Cancer.  I am a more understanding wife bc of Marshall and Cancer.  I am a better Catholic bc of Cancer brining me down to the lowest of possible thoughts of loosing a child.  It makes you grasp onto life more, it makes you sensitive to what's important and what's stupid and not worth your time.  It makes you realize all the money in the world will never be or suffice for a child in your arms or a child you can see and say "I love you, have a good day"  It makes you realize all the things you fight for....not worth fighting that hard for and not gonna get you where you think you need to be.

Cancer is a family member and is at dinner every night.  he did come to dinner and he is here to stay whether we like it or not.  It was an uninvited guest, but one you can't say no to.  You have to accept it, and make a place setting for him bc he is here to stay.  He is involved in everything you talk about at dinner.  He helps you make decisions on your next course of thinking, treatments, dealings with the other kids.  It's a spoiled brat that wants and gets all the attention.  You raise your kids to not be brats, and be respectful, then Cancer comes and he forces himself on you and you have to look at the other children and explain that you can't help it and that this needs immediate attention and you have to leave them to tend to the spoiled brat, Cancer.  They don't always get their way, sometimes and most of the time we can silence them into odedience, but sometimes and you don't know when or where or who, but it will become defient and just let loose at the dinner table. You serve him meals and he doesn't like anything.  he is very specific and only wants what he wants.  He wants you to change everything you do.  he doesn't like smells and makes you get creative just for him.  And you do all this just for him, as the other children are looking at you in bewilderment wondering why they don't get to do this or eat that or stay up and never sleep......they look at you and bc we raised them right....they go back to their meal. 

Cancer takes over the conversations.  Sometimes you can put a masking tape around his mouth and forget he's there which gives us the chance to make fun of him and laugh at him and tell jokes and make fun of things he does.  yes, that's bad...we are not to do that......but that is a fault of mine.  If you barge in my house and make yourself known and you know i don't want you there....if i can get you quiet then i will take advantage and give myself some humor.

Right now, he has nothing to say.  we shut him up real good right now.  we don't talk about him much if we do it's quick and no biggie.  it was as if he never showed up.  he has accepted his fate as of now and will remain quiet.  he knows that there is nothing he can do at the moment, but he just sits and watches.......he is waiting.....waiting for a chance for that tape to come off and he can release his fury on the family.  I hope that we never give him an opportunity to loosen that tape.  i pray we got it on good.  he can stay as long as he behaves and does what he is told.  he is a child and a very badly mannered one.  He was never taught good manners and we are showing him a thing or two.  He doesn't like it and fought a good fight, but he has given in and waved the white flag.  I will never let my guard down as a mother.  You know how children are....they test you every once in awhile to see if your paying attention and you always have to pay attention.  never give up.  even if your nursing your youngest and the one above is testing you, seeing if you will quit nursing the child that has been crying and starving....yep, you get up and take care of business.....you get so good at it you can do it all while still nursing and the above looses double bc your that damn good now!

See cancer didn't realize what family's door he knocked on.  It was a very capable one.  Yes, we can still cry and worry and be scared...we are not "The Incredibles" we are "The Billingsley's" but we always get up.  We always finish what we must and we expect a lot of our children and they know that.  yes, they are pain in the butts, but butts i love to death!  I love pinching their butts.......so cute.....wish i still had those butts....hee-hee

Cancer is an univited guest that we have allowed to share his life with us, since there was nothing we could do to kick him out to the curb.  I am thankful that he is quiet right now.  he has reaked havoc in other homes and destroyed them.  I more than willing to have him sit quietly.  I will take that over the jumping on the table and destroying everything we hold dear.  I will not have him disrupt my family if i can help it.  I hope he never does that, but if he does we as a family will still be sitting at the dinner table and we together will grab hold and never let go.  We will all have ropes that intertwine together we are all connected that rope if Our Lord.  He will hold things together...it may be dumpy but we will do it together.