Today, Marshall has his scans. UGH! why does it come so fast? His first one is at 4:00 and 5:30pm. I think we are just going to let him go at it alone. We just sit in the waiting area anyway for the MRI and that takes sooo long. I don't know how he does it? I guess he has no choice in the matter, so what are you going to do. I think he can actually sleep. He will come home tonight and we will have a nice steak dinner. Just the three of us! the 6 kids are at camp.
Speaking of sleep, i haven't been sleeping well for the last week. I think when i was writing a post last week ( i haven't posted it...debating whether or not too since it is a week old. I might do it just before this one) and i realized that scans were this week (today now). I kept saying end of month and when i was writing i realized that is was the end of the month this week....so, lovely....sooo tired and i am tired of being tired. i have stayed up late at night. brian is passed out and dead asleep and i am wide awake yet so tired (any of that make sense?) then i have to get up early for work...which i hate...too early for me...okay, it's not, but when you are used to leaving the house at 9:40ish and all of a sudded you have to leave an hour earlier...that's so hard. hopefully, in the fall we will go back to 10.....no one likes it...it's all so hard for us to get used to and we have been doing this since i think april....
Marshall has clinic on Thursday afternoon. Of course, i can't go bc i am at work....brian is going to go. He is soooo lucky! he's right there. all he has to do is take a shuttle to the hospital. I hope we find out tomorrow! I hate how my heart just feels extra heavy and sensitive. it skips a few beats extra every now and then. it feels like it's swimming sometimes and jumps around at certain emotions that are rolling around in my head.
Marshall said we didn't have to go to either of the appointments. he's a big boy now. i know he wants to be independant...and i get that and respect that. i told him, but we want to....i just don't want to dump you after all we've been thru.....that's hard to do, but i'm gonna do it. i am not going to be hovering mom! i want my child to feel like he can come to me when he needs me. i don't want him to avoid me bc i am so overbearing. i wrote him a graduation letter and put it on his pillow. gosh, that was forever ago....and i just asked him last week...or maybe it was sunday...i can't remember!!!! still.....memory has taken a VaCa. that he did get it. I told i wondered bc he hadn't said anything. then he did the "typing fingers in the air" and winked at me. so he was telling me he has been meaning to 'write' me back. i think that is how i am expressing myself.......i tell him i love him all the time as he does me....i hug him....his strong chest...man has he really built up a good strong chest...and arms. he is still devoted to working out every other day! he looks great. he says he can run farther now......and thinks he has a shot at rugby this year in school.....
so, the kids are gone and i'm off today....i am washing the kids mattress pads, sheets and such...so it will be a productive day...if i can get off of this thing. I've been on facebook, caringbridge, and now this......all scan related....this week we will gear up for the beach. we leave on sunday and it can't come too soon. i am praying we will be celebrating next week the clean scans....so, kids get picked up on friday, getting alllll the laundry washed (dreading that one), double header for patrick on saturday, Mass saturday night, and leave on sunday morning!!!!! Beach here we come!!!!!
I guess i better get going.....hug your children today!!! love on them!!!! don't take them for granted!!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
I have been wanting to write again, but don't know what to say and again i feel like no one cares anymore what my thoughts are. We are done and so they are unimportant. We hit the year mark last week when we FINALLY heard "REMISSION" we were in Vegas (Brian and I) omgosh.....way tooooo much fun and of course expensive.....Brian doesn't want to know how much we spent on alcohol...what he really meant was "how much I spent on alcohol" HeeHee. Ok, i will back up....skooting back....Brian and I went out for week long trip to Vegas (Sat-Sat) yes, everyone...i have already been told that is too long in Vegas...but if you would let me finish....you will see....the first half was us..fun, sleeping in, poolside together, etc...then on Wed-Fri it was just me...Brian was there for a conference, and tagged along.....soooo, while he was at the conferences......those three days i was at the pool......and man....everything is expensive.....and with jammin to great music, people watching...at somepoint (not at 9 am...i was not one of those ordering the big 32 oz....) you have to have something.....soo....that's why.....but I think i could have done a whole lot worse.......beleive you me...i saw many who did and i don't know how you can afford that much let alone consume it all...to be young again, but i was never that young......
So we were out it was late.....on Friday night......Brian remembered...it had been a year when we heard the words "remission" on the way home from the airport (marshall picked us up) they brought it up to eachother, and then marshall said that he was in bed...forget if he was asleep and woke up and remembered or what...........so, he pretended.....that he had a cupcake with a candle and blew it out.....i laughed sooo hard!!! i thought that was the best. I still never know exactly how marshall wants to proceed. he sooo wants to move on, so i don't know if he wants to go out and celebrate or what.....i think if we were all together we would have for the big "year".
Scans are approaching here next week....crap.....NEXT WEEK....I kept saying it was at the end of the month but we are basically there......great!!!! gotta keep myself busy next week. we ship off the bottom 6 (that sounds wierd) on Sunday for the SIBS cancer camp....for the siblings. All six get to go this year. last year Aidan wasn't old enough. so today i went to walmart (hate that place) and got all the "little" shampoos, bug spray, lotion, sunscreen....etc. i was embarrassed.....i had to have people go in front of me in that particular section bc they just needed "one thing" and i was looking for 6 of this and 6 of that, then we changed some things up, so i needed 1 of this, and 5 of that, and then another was 2 of this, and 4 of that...no, wait change out 2 of those for 2 of these...can he handle big boy shampoo.....LOL you should have heard me talking to the kids...kids toothpaste, big people toothpaste....deoderant, who wants to smell like what...does he care if he has "dial" bodywash or does he/she need scented according to the sex of the person....the sunscreen was the easiest...along with bug spray...grab six and done! the cutest, oldest checkout man was duh....checking us out...and he said "is this for camp" i said "yes, 6 of 'em" he said "oh, that's like me" i didn't quite understand him with his protective gloves on, while never once looking me in the eye. and asked if all mine (okay that time he looked at me) and i said yes there is one more....then i got clarification, he said "well, i had 6" i told him "awesome" in a real happy voice....bc it is something to celebrate...if not why go thru all that work....and it's work......he didn't say anything after that.....other than, the traditional here's your total, thank you, here's your reciept.....i told him to have a wonderful day. of course, before all this conversation....i was unloading had three kids with me....the 16, 14, and 10....i'm short not gonna deny it....and i can get the things at the front of the cart when i am unloading and such but then when your at the longest point and you have to stretch to right under that thing that comes out for kids.....i can't....i tell my kids, don't mind me i got this......well, they didn't.....so, really.....i say patrick (14) you got long arms, use them for goodness sakes and help...he did....phew.....
marshall and brian went to orientation for UTKnoxville. they left on Sunday night, yep Father's day...oh, it gets better......we get in from vegas around 11 pm on sat. night...as we literally pull into driveway, marshall informs us that we haven't had AC since Friday during a huge electrical storm...and brian...is like whyyyyyy didn't you tell me....marshall said "he didn't want to ruin the trip" and we are like..."this isn't" it's hotter than hell (not really but hot and stuffy) and there is no one to call...we have to open windows....get fans in windows...get creative...to just sleep and that takes an hour......we are so tired bc i didn't want to go to bed friday night. i kept brian out at a club til 2:30 am....man, i'm too old for this but when your in it...it is sooo much fun...and i'm not gonna lie down yet. so, sunday morning we are getting ready for Mass......finally get ahold of a friends dad thru marshall and he calls. and comes out after Mass and gets it working....we were afraid since marshall had it on the whole time that he burned up the engine.....phew...not $5000 dollars...
so, kids go to camp on sunday - friday, and then on sunday we go to the beach. We figured...this could be the last time as a family. As marshall gets older and more financial responsiblity we don't know if he can always come....oh, that's such a sad thought!!!! now, i realize what my parents felt when i couldn't go to the mountains or Lake Powell......
So we were out it was late.....on Friday night......Brian remembered...it had been a year when we heard the words "remission" on the way home from the airport (marshall picked us up) they brought it up to eachother, and then marshall said that he was in bed...forget if he was asleep and woke up and remembered or what...........so, he pretended.....that he had a cupcake with a candle and blew it out.....i laughed sooo hard!!! i thought that was the best. I still never know exactly how marshall wants to proceed. he sooo wants to move on, so i don't know if he wants to go out and celebrate or what.....i think if we were all together we would have for the big "year".
Scans are approaching here next week....crap.....NEXT WEEK....I kept saying it was at the end of the month but we are basically there......great!!!! gotta keep myself busy next week. we ship off the bottom 6 (that sounds wierd) on Sunday for the SIBS cancer camp....for the siblings. All six get to go this year. last year Aidan wasn't old enough. so today i went to walmart (hate that place) and got all the "little" shampoos, bug spray, lotion, sunscreen....etc. i was embarrassed.....i had to have people go in front of me in that particular section bc they just needed "one thing" and i was looking for 6 of this and 6 of that, then we changed some things up, so i needed 1 of this, and 5 of that, and then another was 2 of this, and 4 of that...no, wait change out 2 of those for 2 of these...can he handle big boy shampoo.....LOL you should have heard me talking to the kids...kids toothpaste, big people toothpaste....deoderant, who wants to smell like what...does he care if he has "dial" bodywash or does he/she need scented according to the sex of the person....the sunscreen was the easiest...along with bug spray...grab six and done! the cutest, oldest checkout man was duh....checking us out...and he said "is this for camp" i said "yes, 6 of 'em" he said "oh, that's like me" i didn't quite understand him with his protective gloves on, while never once looking me in the eye. and asked if all mine (okay that time he looked at me) and i said yes there is one more....then i got clarification, he said "well, i had 6" i told him "awesome" in a real happy voice....bc it is something to celebrate...if not why go thru all that work....and it's work......he didn't say anything after that.....other than, the traditional here's your total, thank you, here's your reciept.....i told him to have a wonderful day. of course, before all this conversation....i was unloading had three kids with me....the 16, 14, and 10....i'm short not gonna deny it....and i can get the things at the front of the cart when i am unloading and such but then when your at the longest point and you have to stretch to right under that thing that comes out for kids.....i can't....i tell my kids, don't mind me i got this......well, they didn't.....so, really.....i say patrick (14) you got long arms, use them for goodness sakes and help...he did....phew.....
marshall and brian went to orientation for UTKnoxville. they left on Sunday night, yep Father's day...oh, it gets better......we get in from vegas around 11 pm on sat. night...as we literally pull into driveway, marshall informs us that we haven't had AC since Friday during a huge electrical storm...and brian...is like whyyyyyy didn't you tell me....marshall said "he didn't want to ruin the trip" and we are like..."this isn't" it's hotter than hell (not really but hot and stuffy) and there is no one to call...we have to open windows....get fans in windows...get creative...to just sleep and that takes an hour......we are so tired bc i didn't want to go to bed friday night. i kept brian out at a club til 2:30 am....man, i'm too old for this but when your in it...it is sooo much fun...and i'm not gonna lie down yet. so, sunday morning we are getting ready for Mass......finally get ahold of a friends dad thru marshall and he calls. and comes out after Mass and gets it working....we were afraid since marshall had it on the whole time that he burned up the engine.....phew...not $5000 dollars...
so, kids go to camp on sunday - friday, and then on sunday we go to the beach. We figured...this could be the last time as a family. As marshall gets older and more financial responsiblity we don't know if he can always come....oh, that's such a sad thought!!!! now, i realize what my parents felt when i couldn't go to the mountains or Lake Powell......
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