1st Transfusion

Well, Brian just called me and notified me that Marshall will be needing a blood transfusion.....my heart sank.  I know it's fine, but when I first started hearing about the Cancer, the Chemo, and then I heard the word "Transfusion"  I was like...."What?"  why would he need that?  Come to find out that I knew squat about Cancer, Chemo and everything else in those precarious lines of this world.  Duh!!! The Chemo kills you, and the body has to repair itself, and just not might be able so it needs fresh helpers.......Transfusion!

I dreaded the day when I would here that my son needs one.....why....why....would it bother me so!?

Anyway, at Clinic on Thursday his hemoglobin was 8 and they warned Brian that he might need one this Round of Chemo.  When Brian told me.....yes, I shot straight up and realized......It's....heeerrreeee. Darn!!!! I wanted him to be the except for everything.  I wanted him to not have to deal with the realities of Cancer.......I know, it's nice to imagine, but that is all it is....imagination of what you want things to be like.

This morning, they tested Marshall's blood and his hemoglobin is now at 6.5.  It has dropped 1.5 since Thursday. They want it to be at least a 7 for Chemo.  So, we have to get this thing going before we go any further.  I know it's not too off, but off enough.  Brian said they want to give him 2 units.....No clue what that looks like......Gosh darn it......i can't get the picture of a bag of blood hanging on Peter (his IV pole...it's name bc it makes him pee all the time) and the line running into his body......

I gave blood for the first time this summer while I was at school.  Never did it bc I was always nursing or pregnant.  So I never really thought about it.  I ended up doing it with a friend of mine....LOL what a time that was....my heart rate was pounding sooooo fast they couldn't take my blood unless it was at at least 100 (pretty sure)  I had to waith a couple of minutes and they came in and checked me again......if i didn't make it this round they wouldn't be allowed to.  OH, I was at 100.....LOL  I was so scared since I never did it before. 

Anyway, that was before finding out about Marshall.  Then when hearing about "Transfusions"  in the whole process of Chemo talks and I realized that my child is going to need someone elses blood to live.  He may need it multiple times.  It is the blood from others that save his life.  I had a whole new take on what I did that summer......It's like a light bulb went on.  I finally saw outside of my world, my life and my doings and goings on.  My blood that I gave this summer possibly helped save another life.  Now, I always knew that but it's one thing to hear it and another to go thru it.  It's like talking about being pregnant and giving birth.  You can say you understand and how easy/hard it is, but you don't truly know til you go thru it........and your like "OHHHH, this is how it works....."

Live and learn.....I am learning everyday about life, cancer, my kids and how out of touch I was with some awful realities of what many families go thru everyday.  How easy we had it and had NOOOO CLUUUUE how nice it was.  Healthy kids, handsome hubby, etc......You take things for granted.  You take life and really don't think of anything else.  You complain bc you can't get this or do that.  Complain bc your kids are driving you nuts........well, they still do.....LOL but at least they are alive and healthy and have the opportunity to bug eachother and me... :0)  I hate THROW UP but at least my kids are alive and healthy tooo throw up....Gosh,, that sounds soooo wierd....LOL  and honestly, I can't wait for the kids to grow up so I don't have to deal with the virus every stinking year.......

I have always been very cautious and thoughtful when it came to my kids being sick and sending them off to school or a friends house.  I always try to warn them and give them the option of what to do.  Since I have many children (BTW Brian just informed me that the blood just arrived)  of course I am not there....grrrr anyway, it takes us forever to get rid of the various bugs that enter the house.  I have had stomach bugs that lasted a whole month.  Depending on how long the bugger is...you have to figure each kid getting it.....yada yada......so, I have to actually ask parents now when they want our kids to play with them.....are they sick?  LOL I had to explain to one poor mother why i was asking.....she answered me as if i was crazy....LOL then I asked is she was aware of our situation...she wasn't but when I explained she was like Oh, no problem and she thought even harder as to if any of them had been sick.....it was so sweet.

But you have to act differently now all the time.  I am starting to realize that this lifestyle affect many people you just don't hear about most of them.  or you hear it, but it doesn't hit you or you don't really truly know until you go thru it.  I hate that it took my all these years to realize that giving blood was selfless.....saves lives....etc.  I know my husband did when he could he understood that from what his sister went thru but still didn't really have a clue.

I remember Brian asking me when Marshall was in for his 1st round and I think we were getting a bite to eat.  and he asked "so do you feel different? Do you listen to conversations different? Do you think different?"  I finally was able to understand what Brian has been talking about since I have known him.  He said "Welcome to the family"  He meant the family of Cancer. 

It is so true......everything changes, you have to accpet things that you never thought possible, you have to watch things done to your child that you never thought you would have to.  You go thru a whole new and different world.  It is a world that is Cancer and it's like living a parallel life inside your present life. 

So, one more step in this world.....My first "Transfusion" for my son.  How fragile they are for so long a time.  God be with all the children and parents!  It's life that is all.  Just part of the process.  It's no biggie to many.....they have it all time.....it's their normal world.....God love them all!  They are special people and their souls are shining bright you can see their souls shine from their faces.  those precious faces that fight this battle and watch as medicines, Chemo, Blood are all pumped into their bodies.......I love them all!  They are the strong ones.