Monday, February 7, 2011

Thank goodness for Mothers

Well, another week has gone by and I can't believe that it has been a month since Marshall's surgery.  Yesterday, he went up stairs TWICE without crutches!!!!!  my heart got real tight as I am a mother and I don't want him to trip up, but I can't stop my son from reaching for the clouds.  He is a go getter and not one to sit and let it come to him.  So, I don't expect anything less.  I would be upset otherwise....but doesn't mean it's gonna be easy on my heart.

My week at work (so part time...total of 14 hours) went well.  I had to leave one day to help Marshall get lunch...he wanted something particular bc of his throat sores and it was difficult to do with crutches.  Thankfully it is no problem at work and I just stayed home the rest of the day.  Love them for that flexibility.....Also, I have changed one of my days for me to go in the afternoons instead of morning, that way I get Aidan fed....and Marshall if need be and then Catherine gets home from school.  So, it will work out better.....

I am watching the snow once again come down outside....I wish I was as free as a snow flake.  Just floating around with not a care in the world, but then you go away never to return EVER again......so, no I don't really want to.....

So tired of the cold.....I am getting grumpier by the second....LOL!  so done with this hard winter....well, it is for me as I have no blood as my husband reminds me nightly when I am freezing and everyone else is toasty warm.

Brian and I are heading down the path that only we can go thru.  And it is hard.  I have to be honest....it's not all laughs and smelling roses......I try to take time to smell the roses, but not right now.  I am in survival mode.  I know we will get thru this, but not alone and I think that is what I have forgotten.  Of course I pray and all, but I need more!  This is a huge spiritual endeavour that we are going thru and so you need an army to help you.  I really haven't asked for as much help as I should be.  I am going to do better.  I am going to try to attend Mass during the week and really get back with the family Rosary, even if it's only a decade (as my mom told me today) , I want to stop by and visit the Blessed Sacrament for a bit.  These things will help me spiritually be strong for my son, husband and the rest of the children that so desparately still need their parents even though things are crazy.

We get so busy with our lives and everything else becomes more important that sitting down and praying.  Now you put this issue with Marshall and we are turned upside down......even harder, but I am not going to succumb to despair!  No way is the devil going to win.  As Marshall will win (God willing) we will win the spiritual battle (it's not like it's a battle but I guess it is bc you are battling the emotions and you can get sucked down without even knowing it)

So, I will hold my head up high and walk with Our Lord and Our Lady as they carry us thru this journey.  I know they are already there but I need to come to their feet and give myself to them.  I need to trust they will take care of me and my family.  Like I said, it's not like I don't but something is missing...maybe I haven't totally given myself...or just not placing myself in their loving care enough!

Thank goodness for mothers.......I saw pictures of my youngest brother (18 years old) playing Rugby this weekend....and it made me sad bc that is where Marshall's heart is and he would be practicing and all.....mom said she was sorry and didn't know if she should share them with me but felt it was important for us to see them.....of course I told her......life is moving on for everyone but us and yes, it's not fun, but it doesn't mean that everyone else has to suffer with us.  I don't want anyone not sharing with me their joys, sorrows, or friendship just bc I am going thru this right now.  Just don't expect me calling you back.......LOL! 

Life is going on around us.......and I am glad......it is a happy and wonderful thing.  It lets us know that no matter what happens or goes on life will continue and we will all be blessed with the opportunity at life.  We will be able to choose the high road or the low road.  We will be able to smile or pity yourself.  I have to remind myself this all the time.  It's a constant reminder on how you are going to live your life, which answers my own question........I have to constantly go to Our Lord and Our Lady to keep this going. 

I do want the overwhemledness to go away....I know that is not a word...but it's my word...I tend to do that......it's my way of talking.....We are half way thru.......it won't go away ever.  We will live our lives differently from now on, but at least no chemo every two weeks and such.  We will just revert to scans every 3 months for the first 2 years to see if the Cancer has come back.....and I don't know how the length goes after that.....for Marshall it will be a life long event for him.  He will deal with this for his whole life.  Always wonder if the Cancer is back......we will too...but I am not going to worry about that now.......that is aways away, and it's only 4 times a year we will get all nervous with the results....ugh!!!!!  I hear others talking about that......and I realize that we will go thru the same thing.

Anyway, back to my mother......get soooo sidetracked....ugh!  she helped me this morning......not that I didn't know it already what needs to be done but you need to be reminded.  I love my mother and don't know what I would do without her.  She has always been a strength that I have no idea where it came from, she has the energy level of the energizer bunny even after 11 children she still puts everyone I know to shame.  She is so capable and fun to be around.  She is still dressed to the "T's"  (think that is what you say...LOL)  She gave me so much...just not her energy.....hee-hee....maybe I have some of it and I don't realize it bc I have lived this way my whole life as the oldest of the 11 kids...heck I took care of them for years......I know no other way....just like when I first got married I didn't know how to cook for 2 people...only knew how to cook for 13!  I love my growing up years and miss them dearly....I enjoyed my family and laughing as we did that together so much.  I hope that we have that!  I want my children to love being apart of this family as crazy as it is.......I have to go find something to cook.....that has gone down the drain since this all started......poor kids!!!!

1 comment:

  1. ((Hugs))) Bridget. Your posts always make me smile thinking of you.

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