Remember

I am proud of my son for all he is enduring and the way he picks up his cross daily.  The courage and faith he has is incredible.  What can I say.....he is an incredible person.  He is an example of how we all should take on our crosses.  He shows us how to embrace it.  We all have choices on how we deal with our crosses in life.  We can embrace it or drag it and complain the whole way (that is an ugly and long road to pick).

We as a family have embraced this cross that has been put on us.  Our heads are held up high with smiles on our faces.  We see the light not the darkness.  We look to Our Lord for the joy.  We don't look for the pity or anger.  You have to be selfless in this journey no matter what our roles are.

I have pictured Marshall walking with Our Lord as He carried His cross walking towards His death.  Marshall's cancer is his cross and they walk side by side together on this journey.  Our Lord watching ahead as He walks but never takes His eyes off of Marshall.  He is ahead of him just a little bit to keep Marshall focused on the road ahead.  the love coming from Our Lord is so consuming that it spreads way beyond Marshall and surrounds those of us around him. Our Lord is not sad, but you can see the love and joy.  Love for Marshall that can't be described.  Marshall is not alone physically or spiritually.  Our Lord has been with us carrying His cross with each of us during this.

I feel like we have been in Lent since October.  Always keeping your eye on Our Lord.  I have been thinking of how the Blessed Mother felt watching her son as He fulfilled his journey as our Savior.  The pain she felt.  The sorrow in her eyes as she saw Him carry that heavy cross that seemed too big to carry.  Seeing His body torn and ripped......yet He still stood. The pain in her heart. You know she was strong though....of course she cried....but her soul was strong and united with her son. 

As a mother it is very hard to watch your son go thru something like this.  I have turned to the Blessed Mother many times as I know my sorrow is NOTHING like hers.....but she understands the pain of watching and not being able to do anything.  That this journey is something they alone have to do.  You can't "take it away"  you can't "make it go away"  you can't "change anything"  I pray and pray and pray.  I am there for Marshall in prayer always.  

During this Holy Week, please remember what Our Lord did for us.  Remember Him sacrificing Himself for us.  Turn to the crucifix and see.  He hung on the cross for YOU!  He died for YOU!  What do we do for Him?  How do we lead our lives?  Do we walk the walk or just talk the talk?

Marshall has picked up his cross.  Will you pick up yours? Walk with him.  Walk with us.  Walk with Our Lord.

Well, this was long and I am sorry!!!!  Just alot on my mind!

Have a Blessed Easter!!!!!!!!!

Bridget (mom)
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Happy Holy Thursday!  I haven't written lately.  Just so much going on.  I wrote the above on CaringBridge today and thought i would just copy it over here.  Today is Holy Thursday, the first Mass and there won't be Mass until Easter Sunday, the Resurection of Our Lord.  I want to keep in my mind Our Lord as I go thru these last days and think about what He did as the minutes go by.  Picture myself there as go along today thru Sunday. 

I have never been so with Our Lord in His carrying His cross.  I didn't even realize it til just lately, as I thought back and how much i picture the road to Calvary.  I am nothing great or grand or better than anyone else by far...but i have been almost forced to be placed at His side.  This will be the most meaningful Lent of my life i can imagine.  I hope that i will never forget this journey that God has placed in our path to Heaven.  As i said above, I feel like i have been in Lent since October......the suffering and the heaviness that i have felt since this all started.  I hope that i took and continue to take advantage of all the opportunities i have been given.

This journey is not unique.  I have seen many people go thru and continue to go thru crosses like this whether it be watching a child, or going thru it personally.  Some have suffered and will suffer more than me or Marshall.  I have to remind myself that Our Lord only gives us what we can handle.  I am not alone as Jesus was not alone as He was lead toward the ultimate sacrifice....His dying on the cross for our salvation.

The choice continues to be each of ours.  What are we going to do today?  How are we going to live out our faith today?  Do we truly believe in our faith in Our Lord and have the guts to stand up to the day to day challenges and say "no" and say "yes" to Our Lord.  It is hard being singled out and looked at for your strength.  It is hard to stand up to wrong and do the right thing.  It is a daily sacrifice spiritually to live your faith.  Not all follow or understand.  That is not the point.  The point is to stand steady and remember Our Lord is right beside us.  Carrying the cross as He did physically many years ago.  Our crosses are nothing compared to His, but He did it for us and the least we can do is carry our crosses with Him.  I don't want Him to be alone.  I want to be with Him and I want to stand strong with His mother as she was with Him to the end.  I will be with Marshall to the end. 

I hope to years from now reflect on this journey with not pain and suffering, which of course it was/is but there is so much more to it.  There were graces given to us as we walk with Our Lord.  I will not look upon this time with tears of sorrow but with joy because we were never alone.  I will not ask for pity for all the trials I went thru or saw thru Marshall, but thanksgiving for the son that Our Lord gave me.  Marshall has been an inspiration to me, this family and so many we know and don't know.  That alone is a reason that God has allowed this.  This can't harm Marshall.  Of course bodily it can, but spiritually is where we need to turn our souls to.  Look for the good that God is seeking and seeing.  No He doesn't want us to hurt, but He is so beyond our physical means that it is hard for us at times to understand why we suffer so.  You can't help but ask.  but who are we to question Our Lord.  Do we even think we know a shred of a shred of a shred of a shred of what He knows?  Why do we think we know best?  Do we think He really wants us to perish?  We were born with sin, but thru the Sacraments we can maybe glimpse the spiritual importance of this life.  I am not perfect and am so not even close to being anywhere as holy as the Saints, but all i can do is strive to do my best and live my faith as God wants me to. 

Everyday should be Lent.  Everyday we should walk with Our Lord.  There are days I don't want to and sometimes fail, but I get up and start again.  I will continue to fall, but I am not alone.  The Blessed Mother, Our Lord, the angels and Saints, my gaurdian angel are right there.  Waiting for us to ask for their help in prayers.  I have had to depend on asking them for many of their prayers during this.  I may not get the answers I want, but I will get the courage to continue.

I want to walk thru this day as I remember what Our Lord did.  I want to walk with Him.  I want to remember the journey of Our Lord starting today and being so thankful for all He did for me.  I may not do it well, but I will give Him all I have.

Have a Blessed Easter!  Remember!!!!