Well, Marshall came home Sunday night....we did actually. it was late but I am not gonna complain, Brian didn't have to spend the last night on that hard version of a bed! Marshall tolerated the Chemo round as expected. This was the same round as his 1st round. So, when I say "Odd" round, I mean this one. When I say "Even" round, it's the previous one (his 2nd round). He has two different Chemo regemins that he is on. I just of course realized that when we went in for the 2nd round and it was longer.
I still can't pronounce the Chemo's and when I think I have the pattern down......I spit it out, telling my nurse what is going to happen.......shoulda know....nope........look stupid AGAIN! I told her, I can't keep up, I am told so many different things, I am just gonna be quiet and read my book. This is when Marshall would make a smart remark back to me.......GREAT!
Today, Marshall and I dropped off my parents at the airport. It was a tearful goodbye but at least we will hopefully see them in January sometime. Mom wants to come back and help again. So, being that Marshall has his Birthday next Tuesday (Nov. 16) he has reminded us that the Call of Duty Game was coming out on Tuesday. Like every second!!!!! So, as we are listening to "like a G6" and I am trying to merge onto 440 traffic Marshall asks if we can go and get it. Now, I was gonna go to TJMaxx to look for a single white flat sheet. Need it for my Practical test tomorrow.....Yes, I am soooo prepared! Anyway, told him to call dad bc I was just trying to get killed while jammin to a great song! We get permission for Marshall to get his Bday gift early and we go to Sam's. I looked for sheets....Well, since everything comes in bulk they go with the same standards in sheets.....NO TWIN SHEETS! okay got it! they suck! JK like we don't have needs with a million kids to have twin sheets. What do they think....that we just put them all on huge beds like they did in the olden days? NOT ME! even though aidan seems to sleep more with Colin in Colin's bed than his own. I remember those days so I am far from judging.
In line, I asked Marshall if they needed shampoo (I already grabbed conditioner for Catherine) he replys "I don't know, I don't use shampoo anymore..." We laughed soooo hard!!!!! I was like....yeah, your right but you did mention that you washed it the other day to remember what it felt like :0)
You know, things will hit you as they come. We have been in survival mode since this started and we will be til this ends. But I am realizing, that in dealing with this situation, and the kids, and school, and hospitals, etc....that as husband and wife.....that suffers. You know, it's hard enough to keep the relationship "hot" and all with just normal life.....try throwing in a little "your child has cancer, and really odds are not good.....and here is our protocol for the next 7-9 months...see ya" into your life and NOW, NOW, NOW HOW THE HECK AM I.....NO WE GONNA DO THIS? I will let you know......might be years from now.....LOL it has been bugging me this week. I finally was looking back and thinking.....yep.....another hurdle...now, I am not worried about us......Brian and I work very hard on our relationship. We go out every week just the two of us.....we keep communication up and are like love birds still after 18 years of marriage....it is kinda sick in a good way if that makes any sense. But!!!!!!!!! We will have to work harder and Our Lord will give us the graces we need in this. Because there are times that we just look at eachother and say "sure miss you" like weekends when Marshall is hospital....we tag team spending the night, and together during the day, but so hospital like! yuck and our focus is Marshall and making him comfortable, seeing his visitors, getting out of the room if there is a limit policy.....last time sucked....we had to leave bc there was a 2 visitor policy on POD A. it's for a reason, but when he has friends someone has to leave. Finally the last day.....he got 2 but I told the nurse "I am waiting on my food, I am not leaving he is gonna have to wait" and went right back to reading my book while trying to ignore Marshall and his friend and give them space......I can do that easily when I read. Marshall had to go "Mom...Mom" a couple of times......then I wondered if I should have been listening to see if I needed to be listening....LOL I have heard some interesting conversations ...hee-hee (fine....don't worry....but gossip and such)
Brian should be home any minute and he is going to take me out for a bit. You know, sad Mom and Dad are gone, so I am playing the sympathy card :0( which is true, but I haven't had any alone time with Brian much with Mom and Dad here. We would go out a little or when Mom would go the the house she was staying at so I didn't totally ignore her.
Wished I enjoyed the time more with them here. I was just so scattered with Marshall, hospital and then now having to focus and my test tomorrow. They would be here, but I would be in my room chilling, sleeping (hospital takes it out of you man! just when you get back you go right back in) anyway, and then studying.....like how I put that last.....I didn't put it last in reality.
I just want this over. Want to take my test and be done. Have no clue when I am gonna work. I am just so focused on Marshall and the kids (little....in all honesty) It is so hard to give your all to all the kids. If anyone tells you they do.....they are sooooo lying! think about each of you......how to you balance a normal life with all the kids? do you pay attention to all of them as they really need? I know i slack......Yes, my kids are doing great so far......but as a mom I know I fail in areas......It is hard. There is NOTHING EASY ABOUT THIS SITUATION!!!! Your brain goes somewhere......I would give anything for "pregnancy brain" right now. that would be doable. Marshall just looks at me......and is speechless sometimes....well, no...that's not true......he makes fun of me. Like I said....I make my boys laugh...!!!!!
I will be glad when this is over. I have no clue if it ever will. We met with the Radiologist yesterday to get general answers. Yes, I teared up. Reality sucks right now. And I was talking to Marshall about it on way home today. Basically, all his options stink (except for a miracle) and we have to pick the lesser of two evils. And yes, they are EVIL. Just so depressing, but then you take that in.......and then go on! Pick your head up and smile.....and laugh!!!!!!
I best be going. Gotta wipe a bottom.........never done and mother is. and I want to smack ANYONE that says that motherhood is not a job!!!!!!!! Don't get me started. I had to deal with that couple of weeks ago.
God Bless You all, Mary Keep and St Joseph Guide You!!!!
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