One Year Scans

Today, Marshall has his scans.  UGH!  why does it come so fast?  His first one is at 4:00  and 5:30pm.  I think we are just going to let him go at it alone.  We just sit in the waiting area anyway for the MRI and that takes sooo long.  I don't know how he does it?  I guess he has no choice in the matter, so what are you going to do.  I think he can actually sleep.  He will come home tonight and we will have a nice steak dinner.  Just the three of us!  the 6 kids are at camp. 

Speaking of sleep, i haven't been sleeping well for the last week.  I think when i was writing a post last week ( i haven't posted it...debating whether or not too since it is a week old.  I might do it just before this one) and i realized that scans were this week (today now).  I kept saying end of month and when i was writing i realized that is was the end of the month this week....so, lovely....sooo tired and i am tired of being tired.  i have stayed up late at night.  brian is passed out and dead asleep and i am wide awake yet so tired (any of that make sense?)  then i have to get up early for work...which i hate...too early for me...okay, it's not, but when you are used to leaving the house at 9:40ish and all of a sudded you have to leave an hour earlier...that's so hard.  hopefully, in the fall we will go back to 10.....no one likes it...it's all so hard for us to get used to and we have been doing this since i think april....

Marshall has clinic on Thursday afternoon.  Of course, i can't go bc i am at work....brian is going to go.  He is soooo lucky!  he's right there.  all he has to do is take a shuttle to the hospital.  I hope we find out tomorrow!  I hate how my heart just feels extra heavy and sensitive.  it skips a few beats extra every now and then.  it feels like it's swimming sometimes and jumps around at certain emotions that are rolling around in my head. 

Marshall said we didn't have to go to either of the appointments.  he's a big boy now.  i know he wants to be independant...and i get that and respect that.  i told him, but we want to....i just don't want to dump you after all we've been thru.....that's hard to do, but i'm gonna do it.  i am not going to be hovering mom!  i want my child to feel like he can come to me when he needs me.  i don't want him to avoid me bc i am so overbearing.  i wrote him a graduation letter and put it on his pillow.  gosh, that was forever ago....and i just asked him last week...or maybe it was sunday...i can't remember!!!! still.....memory has taken a VaCa. that he did get it.  I told i wondered bc he hadn't said anything.  then he did the "typing fingers in the air" and winked at me.  so he was telling me he has been meaning to 'write' me back.  i think that is how i am expressing myself.......i tell him i love him all the time as he does me....i hug him....his strong chest...man has he really built up a good strong chest...and arms.  he is still devoted to working out every other day!  he looks great.  he says he can run farther now......and thinks he has a shot at rugby this year in school.....

so, the kids are gone and i'm off today....i am washing the kids mattress pads, sheets and such...so it will be a productive day...if i can get off of this thing.  I've been on facebook, caringbridge, and now this......all scan related....this week we will gear up for the beach.  we leave on sunday and it can't come too soon.  i am praying we will be celebrating next week the clean scans....so, kids get picked up on friday, getting alllll the laundry washed (dreading that one), double header for patrick on saturday, Mass saturday night, and leave on sunday morning!!!!! Beach here we come!!!!!

I guess i better get going.....hug your children today!!! love on them!!!!  don't take them for granted!!!